Affairs & Temptation: What to Do Before You Cross the Line

If you’re finding yourself drawn to someone outside your relationship, this message is for you.

I want to acknowledge the complexity of the situation you’re in. It’s possible you’re feeling unseen, unheard, and neglected within your current relationship. Loneliness and the ache of feeling unloved can be overwhelming, and those feelings can sometimes leave us vulnerable to seeking solace elsewhere.

Perhaps the connection you once shared with your partner has faded, leaving a painful void. Maybe responsibilities and commitments feel like chains, keeping you in a relationship where you feel trapped. Criticism, unmet needs, or a sense of inadequacy may have worn down your self-esteem, amplifying the hurt and rejection.

It’s in this vulnerable space that the allure of a new connection can feel so powerful.

The Appeal of a New Connection

When someone outside your relationship begins to make you feel seen, heard, and valued agai...

I'm a relationship therapist who experienced a separation. The question I am asked the most is "How did you save your own marriage?" Here's my honest answer....

This year will be 32 years since we first fell in love. It feels surreal to think about how much time has passed, and while I wish I could say it's been a simple, happily-ever-after love story, the reality is far more colourful.

We've had our fair share of ups and downs, and yes, at about the 18 year mark things fell apart. There were long moments when we couldn’t quite find each other, times when our connection slipped away, and loneliness crept into places that once held joy. The distance wasn't just physical; it was emotional too—a vast canyon that seemed impossible to bridge.

In those stretches, doubt would whisper in my ear, telling me that maybe this was it, that perhaps we had grown too far apart to ever find our way back. The pain of disconnection was sharp and unrelenting, filled with misunderstandings and unmet exp...

 Clear communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, but it can be challenging when emotions run high or situations feel complex. Taking time to reflect on your thoughts and feelings can help you approach conversations with your partner in a calm and constructive way. Here are seven self-reflective questions to guide you:

 An emotional affair might not involve physical intimacy, but it can be just as damaging to your relationship. These connections often form gradually and may even feel innocent at first, but they can create deep emotional rifts between you and your partner. So, how can you tell if you or your partner are crossing the line? Here are five signs to watch for:

1. Emotional Intimacy Outside the Relationship

Sharing your deepest thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with someone other than your partner can signal an emotional affair. If this person becomes your go-to confidant, and you feel a stronger emotional bond with them than with your partner, it's a red flag. Intimacy is the foundation of committed relationships, and redirecting that connection elsewhere can harm the bond with your partner.

2. Secrecy and Deception

Are you keeping your connection a secret? Deleting messages, hiding interactions, or feeling the need to downplay the relationship's importance to your partner are cl...

Alright, let’s get real for a second. If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship. Maybe you’ve tried counselling, maybe not, but you’ve hit a point where it feels like you’re just stuck. Same arguments. Same emotional walls. It’s exhausting, right?

Let me tell you something. This isn’t about just fixing “communication problems” or figuring out who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about rebuilding the emotional bond between you and your partner. That’s what makes a 2-day Relationship Intensive so powerful. Instead of the usual fortnightly routine, this deep dive helps you understand and shift the patterns that are driving disconnection. It’s a focused, immersive experience that can get you and your partner back on the same team. 

I’ve been working with couples for years, and here’s why this approach is so different from traditional therapy and why it works.

1. Go Deeper Than the Everyday Conflicts

You’ve probably been through it—talking ab...

Hello, fellow explorers of the human heart! Let's dive into the deliciously complex world of relationships. Today, we're going to talk about something seemingly trivial yet profoundly telling: how we greet our partners at the end of the day. Trust me, it's a microcosm of your entire relationship—a tiny moment that speaks volumes.

The Hug-o-Meter: Measuring Connection in Seconds

Let's start with the basics. Picture this: you walk through the door after a long day. How does your partner greet you? Is it a warm hug, a quick peck on the cheek, or a distracted "hey" while they stay glued to their screen? These seemingly small interactions are actually a reflection of your emotional connection. A warm embrace can say "You Matter To Me, I'm Here For You, and We're In This Together", while a lukewarm or distracted greeting might say "I don't really care about you".

The Science of the 'Hello': Tiny Moments with Big Impact

Our brains are wired to seek connection and reassurance, especially a...

You may find yourselves at a crossroad in your relationship, and you may be thinking about what went wrong and wondering if it is possible to repair the hurt and disconnect that has accumulated over the years.

Strength of Connection

When it comes to looking at relationships, it can be helpful to consider the strength of your connection.

The strength of your connection can be understood by looking at a few key aspects:

1. The sense that you exist to each other: It is crucial to feel that you matter to one another and that you are present in each other's lives.

2. Being top of mind: A strong connection is one where you feel that you matter to your partner. That they think of you when you're not there and that they consider you and you them. 

3. A knowing that you are there for each other emotionally, physically (and intimately) when you need or when you reach for each other. 

4. Feeling cherished and protected: A healthy relationship involves feeling valued and protected by ea

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In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it's easy to overlook the small yet powerful ways in which we unknowingly reject our partners. These seemingly insignificant actions, if left unaddressed, can gradually erode the foundation of love and connection within our relationships. Learn the subtle but detrimental ways we reject each other daily and the long-term effects they can have on our relationships.

1. Ignoring Emotional Needs: One of the subtle ways we inadvertently reject our partners is by dismissing or invalidating their feelings. When we fail to acknowledge or empathise with their emotions, we send a message that their inner world is insignificant. Over time, this can lead to a sense of isolation, resentment, and emotional distance between partners.

2. Withholding Communication: Silence can be just as damaging as hurtful words. When we avoid open and honest communication, we deny our partners the opportunity to be heard and understood. This withholding of communication

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Hey there, friend! Do you have a partner who struggles with anxiety? It can be tough to watch someone you love experience feelings of fear and worry, and it's natural to want to help. But sometimes, it's hard to know what to do or say. That's why I'm here to share some tips on how to support your anxious partner. Whether you're new to the relationship or have been together for years, there are things you can do to ease their anxiety and strengthen your bond. So grab a cup of tea, get cozy, and let's dive in!

First of all, it's important to understand that anxiety is a complex and often overwhelming experience. Your partner may feel like they're trapped in a cycle of worry and fear that they can't control. It's not a choice, and it's not something they can simply "snap out of." With that in mind, it's crucial to approach the situation with compassion and patience. Remember that your partner is doing the best they can, and that you're in this together. When you're able to empathise with...

You're out on a date with someone you really like, and things seem to be going well. But then, out of nowhere, a thought pops into your head: 'What if they don't like me as much as I like them? What if they're just pretending to be interested?' Suddenly, you're consumed by a wave of anxiety and self-doubt, and you can't enjoy the rest of your evening. Sound familiar? If so, you may be struggling with anxious attachment – a pattern of behaviour that affects millions of people worldwide (but don't worry, you're not alone!). In this post, we'll be exploring what anxious attachment is, why it happens, and how you can start breaking free from its grip. So buckle up, grab a cup of tea, and get ready to discover the secrets of healthy relationships.

The Origins of Anxious Attachment

Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Childhood, to be exact. Now, don't worry, I'm not going to make you relive your traumatic playground experiences or anything (unless you want to, in which case, I'm here...