5 Signs It's An Emotional Affair

 An emotional affair might not involve physical intimacy, but it can be just as damaging to your relationship. These connections often form gradually and may even feel innocent at first, but they can create deep emotional rifts between you and your partner. So, how can you tell if you or your partner are crossing the line? Here are five signs to watch for:

1. Emotional Intimacy Outside the Relationship

Sharing your deepest thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with someone other than your partner can signal an emotional affair. If this person becomes your go-to confidant, and you feel a stronger emotional bond with them than with your partner, it's a red flag. Intimacy is the foundation of committed relationships, and redirecting that connection elsewhere can harm the bond with your partner.

2. Secrecy and Deception

Are you keeping your connection a secret? Deleting messages, hiding interactions, or feeling the need to downplay the relationship's importance to your partner are clear signs of emotional dishonesty. If you’re unwilling to be transparent about the relationship, it suggests you may recognise its inappropriateness on some level.

3. Prioritising This Connection Over Your Partner

When someone outside your relationship starts receiving more of your time and attention than your partner, it's a serious concern. Whether it's frequent texting, staying back at work, long phone calls, or prioritising plans with this person, such behaviour diverts emotional energy away from your relationship. Over time, it can create feelings of neglect and resentment in your partner.

4. Heightened Defensiveness

Do you get defensive when your partner brings up this person? Defensiveness often stems from guilt or an underlying awareness of the emotional affair's potential impact. This reaction can deepen mistrust and further strain your relationship.

5. Emotional Distance from Your Partner

Emotional affairs can drain the intimacy and connection from your primary relationship. You might feel less inclined to share your thoughts or spend quality time with your partner. This growing emotional gap can leave your partner feeling isolated and unsure of how to reconnect.

The Damage of Denial

When your partner suspects an emotional affair and confronts you about it, repeatedly denying the truth and making them feel "crazy" for questioning you causes significant, long-term damage. This tactic, often referred to as gaslighting, erodes their sense of trust and security in the relationship. Over time, it can leave your partner feeling invalidated, insecure, and deeply hurt. This emotional wound may persist long after the affair ends, making it harder to rebuild the trust and closeness needed for a healthy, loving partnership.

Why Emotional Affairs Hurt

Emotional affairs erode the trust and emotional security that sustain healthy relationships. They often leave the betrayed partner feeling excluded and undervalued, while the person involved in the affair may grapple with confusion or guilt.

If you notice these signs in your relationship, don’t ignore them.

• Take a step back from the situation and be honest with yourself.
• What is the story you are telling yourself that makes this ok? 
• Make an appointment with a Relationship Counsellor, even if it's by yourself, so you can better understand what you feel and need.
• Act with integrity and responsibility.
• Make conscious decisions that align with your values about what happens next.