1. What specifically about this situation is bothering me?
Pinpointing the exact issue can help you avoid generalising or bringing up unrelated grievances. Being specific makes it easier to address the root cause of your discomfort.
2. What is it that I am feeling?
Identify your emotions. Are you feeling eg angry, hurt, disappointed, rejected, dismissed, ignored, pressured? Naming your feelings helps you understand and articulate them better, paving the way for a productive conversation.
3. What are my expectations for this situation and my partner's behaviour? Were they met or not met?
Reflect on whether your expectations were realistic or clearly communicated. Misaligned expectations are often at the heart of misunderstandings.
4. What is my role in this situation? Did I contribute to the problem in any way?
Taking responsibility for your part in the situation fosters accountability and mutual respect. It also prevents a blame game from derailing the conversation.
5. How can I communicate my thoughts and feelings in a calm, clear, and constructive way?
Plan your words carefully. Think about how you can express your emotions without attacking or blaming your partner. Calm and clear communication creates a safe space for dialogue.
6. What outcome do I want from this conversation with my partner?
Clarify your goals. Are you seeking an apology, a behaviour change, or simply understanding? Knowing what you want ensures the conversation stays focused and purposeful.
7. Is this an issue I need to address immediately, or can I take some time to cool off and collect my thoughts?
Timing matters. Addressing issues when emotions are high can lead to unproductive arguments. If needed, give yourself space to process before initiating the discussion.
By asking yourself these questions, you can clarify your thoughts and feelings, enabling you to communicate effectively with your partner. This approach ensures your conversations stay focused on resolution rather than veering into irrelevant or tangential issues.
Effective communication isn’t about "winning" an argument—it’s about fostering understanding and connection. Taking time to reflect before speaking can make all the difference in creating a stronger, more harmonious relationship.
